A Bit Of Deepness

I feel like sometimes I am quick to let my insanity and craziness and humor totally eclipse the serious side of me (which I promise exists). It just feels safer to me to make a joke out of everything than to break down walls and let people in and reveal my true desires in life that could be laughed off or made fun of by others.
Lately, I’ve been having lengthy and lovely deep chats with the lovely Chiano. We’ve talked about lots of things – our childhoods, friends, weird analogies (we’re all painters and only God can clean our brushes…). But even so, I still insert jokes and don’t take some things as seriously as I should. I am too quick to run away from deep subjects and serious conversations. And they have their place.
So today I’m gunna open up a little. I guess.
I’ve got these Taco friends.
The name started one day when they went to give me a tackle hug. I misheard (as I often do which makes for some humorous conversations and situations) it as taco and thus said “I feel like beef” while wrapped up in their hug. So now I’m beef, Chiano is goat cheese, Haybiday is taco sauce and Alpie is guacamole.
So these Taco friends and I have taken to all eating dinner together lately. Somehow they think I am funny and I often make Alpie laugh so hard that she can’t breathe or she chokes on her food. But they all seem to enjoy my funny, frantic antics and laugh a lot when they’re around me. But they’ve gotten to know me and enjoy my humor and like me.
I can’t seem to pinpoint what makes me funny or what they think about me is funny. And if I can’t do that then I can’t reproduce it. Which worries me. I want to make people laugh and smile and add joy and laughter to the world but if I can’t figure out how I do that then… Well… I fail in my own eyes, I guess.
But. I have this bigger dream that sort of ties into this. I really want to make it into the entertainment world. I want to work in a theater or on a kids TV show (like iCarly. I LOVE iCarly). I want to get into this very perverse place in the world and start to change part of it by getting to personally know the people who work in it. So being able to be someone that people enjoy being around but also being funny in a very pure way when the humor in that area tends to be very perverse is my desire.
I also have this silly side dream where I marry Nathan Kress.
See? I did it again. I opened up and then interjected with a tidbit of what I hope is humorous to apologize, I guess, for placing my burden on you.
Which almost seguay’s beautifully into my next deep topic for today.
I’m having issues with love. Haha, no. There’s no man in my life. :) But there a deep need in my life to re-evaluate my definition of love. Because this awkward romantic notion that I am dwelling so much on is not it. I’ve been bombarded with love this week. Valentine’s day was Monday, Tuesday we had a chapel speaker give his whole message on channeling God’s love through us to other people, today’s (Friday’s) chapel was on love again. And I’m just feeling so incredibly ignorant in knowing how/why God loves me.
Anyway.
A bit of deepness for you! :)
Till next time, I guess.
<3 Emi