Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Twilight in College

I’m a Twi-Hard. Make fun of me all you want, take all the shots, I don’t care. I love the books though I also love to make fun of them. But I try and keep up with the Twilight happenings. I only just recently got the chance to see Eclipse and I enjoyed it. Emmett’s response to Bella breaking her hand because she punched a werewolf… Definitely one of my favorite parts. But back on college campus, as I’m wandering around freaking out about do I double-major, do I major in TPC to make not only money but people happy, do I transfer to CCU to be closer to home and major in something they offer there… I thought back to the graduation speech in the movie given by Jessica. With my recent resolve to go on with my current semester and only worry about majors when class registration comes around again, I started to realize things. Things that Jessica says so well. I won’t post her speech here verbatim. I’ve edited out a couple words and added a few that I think help convey the tone she used when she delivered it.
“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like, astronauts, president... Or in my case, a princess. When we were ten, they asked again. We answered, a rock star, cowboy, or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we're grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this. Who the heck knows? This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions; this is a time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love... A lot. Major in philosophy, because there's no possible way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, and change it again, because nothing's permanent. So, make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask what we want to be, we won't have to guess... we'll know.”
I’m starting to realize just how much comfort there is in those words. I’m only 18. I’ll be stuck with this major for the next fifty-some-odd years of my life. Why shouldn’t I be able to study one thing and then decide on another? Why can’t I take a couple years to choose random classes? Why can’t I? But… That question almost answers itself. Why can’t I? Well… Why can’t I not. Does that make sense? I’m feeling so restricted with the stress of double-majoring (which is made worse because theater becomes all-consuming of your life. If you have ever been in a play, you know what I mean.), the stress needing to make money, the stress of wanting to please people but also please myself and ultimately needing to please God… It’s a lot. But Jessica is so right in making mistakes, changing your mind… I’d rather spend two years soul-searching and then just know what I want to be than two years changing my major trying to please too many people.
So. While right now I’m reverting to my childhood dream of wanting to be an interior decorater (in the only way I can at this college), make-up artist, fashion designer, and (mostly) making people happy… I’d ask that I be free to make those choices, be they mistakes or a path towards a major that anyone thinks will dump me into a life as a waitress. It’s my life. My future is on my shoulders, not my grandmother’s or my father’s. I can only hope and pray that should God see fit to bless me with such a lovely major as Theater Design that he should also see fit to provide me with work there and to give patience and understanding to those who see it as a waste of a life.
For right now, though, I feel like the next right step is to do what I have decided; to not worry about a major until class registration rolls around again. I don’t want to say to myself “After a few decades, everyone you know will be dead. Problem Solved.” Maybe I’ll get to have Bella’s annoying monologue at the end of the movie (which I hate but paste here “This wasn't a choice between you and Jacob. It was between who I should be and who I am. I've always felt out of step. Like literally stumbling through my life. I've never felt normal, because I'm not normal, and I don't wanna be. I've had to face death and loss and pain in your world, but I've also never felt stronger, like more real, more myself, because it's my world too. It's where I belong.”) and decide who I should be according to God and how that falls into step with what other people want me to be.
Well, thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope that my love of Twilight can help you. Which is SO weird. But.
Thanks again,

P.S. The Fork’s high school colors in the movie are the same colors as my college; blue and yellow.

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