A running joke, for lack of better classification, at my college is that you come to minor in Bible and major in marriage. And while not everyone who goes here gets their “ring before spring” and is at least engaged by graduation, many meet their mate. As I am now past my first semester and have fulfilled my goal of not dating during that time, a silly sort of franticness has set over me. Will I find “the one?” Will it be before senior year? Will it be before I’m 25? Does “the one” even exist? This last one haunts me the most. The fact that there may not be a soul on earth right now meant for me to share my life with…
Today in GenPsych we talked about what kind of people attract and get married. Similar “levels” of attractiveness, opposite personalities, etc. It sort of messed with my mind – should I be looking for someone who is as attractive/unattractive as me? And if so, do I go with my view of my attractiveness or what other people’s opinions are? Are they giving me their true opinions? Does the male population view me different than the female population that seems to assure me that I am pretty? And then what could I look for personality-wise? What is MY personality? How could someone’s differ from mine? Should I look for someone quiet since I seem to have grown rather outspoken in college or do I look for someone who can command a room because I’m still not very outgoing?
But this isn’t about my nightmares or psychology.
This is about Jami.
I know, right? I spend two lengthy paragraphs talking about boys and suddenly I’m talking about a girl. But you see, she’s not just any girl. She’s my best friend in the whole entire universe. And there’s something else: If one of us was male, we would totally get married. That may come off as creepy but I promise you that it’s not as weird as it sounds. We’ve talked about this. We just… I don’t even know what it is about her that makes us best friends or makes me love her so much (As a friend. We will never get married). But class today also made me remember this deep, great love for Jami and if I should look for someone like her to marry. Does that mean I’m throwing out the psychology? Does it alleviate some of my fear?
Thing is, I’m not sure.
So, for now, I have been advised by the beautiful Chiano to take my own advice and for now “Just Be.” And, given that I don’t have any other ideas, I’m gunna see how it works out for me. I guess I’ll post an update to this later.
P.S. A blog post without a perfect end?! GASP!